Oh man.. Might have to go surgery or other treatment! God please help me.. Was so scared reading descriptions about the treatments.. I pray I can still breakdance after any treatment I may receive..
The only thing I've ever feared other than God..
Okay, now the on the Day of the Chocolate Selling event, It was rather dramatic..
Here's the story..
We were all set up and ready to go for the selling of the chocs at SNGS..then.. BOOM!!
KANNA NUKED!!
KANNA ACCIDENT!!WHY????
cos...
KANNA MONSTER!!! lol.
And that was the fantastic day we had at SNGS. :DOh yea, thurs went out for ice cream buffet with NS3 and had a one night chalet with friends. Wah, sleep from 2am-3am only lor.. lol, camped at 7 eleven. lol. Quite fun bah. :D
Alright!!! Time to update on the past week.
First, time to thank God for my results! :D
Top in class for english, second for physics. And got some pretty nice scores. L1B5 got 14... highest so far, but could easily be better.. anw, Thank God for my TA1 marks.
Then, the friday when holiday started, we went to sell Chocolates. Actually wanted to sell at MGS. then go there then kanna rejected. Then thanks so much to YuQing, we got to sell at SNGS. Thanks so so so much again. (:
Then every day of hols from mon- fri got 13 hours CCA training la.. but got play wc3 too. We use sch laptop and LAN together. lol. Pudge war so fun, triple kill so many times. Japanese Occupation so fun!! ahaha. Saturday couldnt go church as competition was on Saturday and finals on Sunday..
Suppose to get 3rd one la, but cos my bot didnt warm up before running, we got 5th.. hais.. nvm.. Still got Medal, must thank God. (:
Now so busy, slept in class every single period. lol. Still havent touched my holiday homework la. lol.
NAT, YOU RULE! :D
Yea, lost motivation for laptop alr.. anw, its a want, not a need.. so why shld I save so extremely.. But, Im still willing to do errands luh..
Anw, I had such a great time at LAN today. played L4D for the first time and it was so much fun. Thanks guys for the awesome trip. :D Eh, kzhang, I need back my $3.80. lol
HEY ALL! As you should know by now, I'm really in need of money. So, I'm willing to do some errands for fast money.
You can request for me to do any errand you like if its reasonable. But here's some popular errands I just wanna state I can help with.
- Hacking of passwords on personal computers. Be it passwords of games, emails, even parental control passwords, I can help you find any password you need that has ever been stored on that computer.
- Sale of in-game items/request for help in-game. If you have a problem in any mmorpg or game, I will try my best to help. If it's an mmorpg that I keep a relatively accomplished status, that I might even be able to sell u items/ help in raids, quest etc. Thus do message me and I can see what I can do.
-Virus/scamming. This is a.. last resort thingy. If you really have someone you really dislike, you can message me to destroy his computer someway or another. However, I will first review the case and see if it is reasonable. Next, this usually charges higher, as a great ammount of effort is required and a huge ammount of risk is taken. As well as time.
- Programming. I study higher computer science so I know a deal about programming. If you have a programme/project goal you need help with, you could request it to me and if it's reasonable, I'll try to help.
These are just somesuggestions. Of course if you have other requests, do message me.
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Next of all, I'm still selling Cocoa Tree chocolate. We can even make a visit to your school if given time. So please do message me if you have any requests.
Please do help me in achieving my goal of $1750. :D
Yes! Praise God for my results so far!!
A1 for E maths
40 for A maths.. failed, but nevermind, I still thank God for the other good marks.
61.25 for Chem
19/25 (72%) for Full Geog (1 mark away from A1...)
SECOND IN CLASS FOR PHYSICS! 33/40 (A1), top in class was 33.5..
Thats all the marks I have for now, Praise God for them! He helped me so much in the common tests. :D
I'm still awaiting results for..
English (which I have consistently been getting top in class for each segment with the help of God! Thus I'm sure I can get top in level for this with God's help! :D)
Combine Humanities (Super easy! Aiming for high A1!! with God's help of course!)
Chinese.
Yea! Praise God for my results so far and my oncoming results. :D
And finishing that, I start on my new post...
Direly in need of money!!! I'm willing to do errands if reasonable! Message me!! need to raise $1.6k!!
AFTER COMMON TEST, WE'VE GOT TO PARTAYE!!! BOOK MP ROOM, OR CHALET FOR DAY, I DUNNO, WE'VE GOT TO PARTY! WHO'S FREE AFTER COMMON TESTS?
Ahahha, I love my cell group. At mac so fun. XD Camhogged... XD
Ehh.. Nowadays got so many irritating people everywhere..
People who are arrogant
People I just plain dont like
and People who are noobs.. irritating show off noobs.. (ironic)
So, what to do. I need a long long break after the common test and go out with the non-ass friends.. A nice nice break..
Oh well, I pray God will keep on helping me to get my uber common tests results.. :D
I've gotten top for English Compo and English Compre + summary so far, thats top for common test in my class so far alr! :D Thank God!!
HEY GUYS!!
I'm selling Cocoa Tree Chocolate and Vouchers. Do message me if you want to buy any. Plus, if you make a request to us beforehand, we can arrange to sell Chocolates at your school if your principle allows. Do msg me for requests. :D
Time to post some past testimonies I just remembered! :D
Last time, My Hope event.
Talked to Ying Shan for the first time on msn, I dun even know how she looked like, but I invited her go My Hope Party.
End up suppose to meet at mrt but my phone battery die.
So I dunno how to find her, I pray pray, then I literally took a piece of paper and wrote "YING SHAN WHERE ARE YOU?"
Then I got a prompting that the girl sitting beside me was her. So I purposely walked around holding that piece of paper high, purposely targeting her face. lol.
Eventually she saw it, and yea she was Ying Shan. AWESOME RIGHT? PRAISE GOD!
Next, yesterday I was running very very very late liao. Raining somemore. and I very tired and a bit pissed off liao. I walking to last bus stop before home, need to cross overhead bridge. and the bus takes quite long to come. So when I was crossing the overhead bridge, I see like no bus there. then I pray and said in the name of Jesus that bus better come when I step on the last step of this bridge. Then cos my vision was being blocked mah, cos I was at the top of the bridge. So as I walked down towards the bus stop, cannot see the buses. Then the momment I stepped on the last step I saw the bus come into view. Just arrive somemore. PRAISE GOD! :D
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k now seperate thing. I finally finished clinching the deals! NOW ITS TIME TO FULL MUG TILL COMMON TEST!! :D SO HAPPY I FINALLY CLINCHED GOOD DEALS! :D
God is gonna help me ace these common tests with uber excellent results!! :D
HEY PEOPLE, to all those people out there, please for goodness sake stop deleting out the credits when you use someone's blogskin. It is horribly ungrateful and arrogant of you to take someone's hard work and dont credit them. Every blogskin I use, I modify further from what the creators made and thus, you usually wont find an exact copy of my blogskin on the internet, cos its further customized. But still, I still place the credits there to thank the original creators for creating the basic layout. It's basic respect and curtosy. Please for goodness sake, dont be a blockhead or an ass.. -.-
Went to Dempsey Road's Ben & Jerry Restaurant earlier, pretty nice place, just kinda hard to get to. But it was nice. :D Some pics here, some are slanted, I'm too lazy to bother to flip them, so just tilt your head a little. :D
EH, k, seriously, WHO WANNA GO ECP? MESSAGE ME ASAP PLS, I need to get numbers. dun care if ur from school, church or whatever, just tell me, I'll arrange. :D
Aye, this friday, going Jurong Library. Anyone wanna come? Studying in the afternoon, Guitaring in the morning. :D
I definately need to go out and take more pics with my cam.. It's been a long time since I got an updated pic of myself.. Hmm, I might be going East Coast Park soon again too. I needa trick out my Swaveboard.. :D Tell me if u wanna go out together. :D
YAY! FINALLY UPDATED MY BLOGGGG...
anw, from now onwards, whenever I update my profile on the left of my blog, I'll state when it was last updated so your can stay updated. :D
Okay, I'd probably change blog soon, and I'd probably update my profile too. bleahahhah, happy cny!
Injured my right arm and some of my right fingers are covered with blisters.. :p
Jesus is a constant provider who is always there. Nothing is too hard for Him, numbers and sight is insignificant to Him, and He is always there, it's just whether we realize it or not.
Bleah, lost my wallet yesterday.
If anyone found it, please return it to me, thanks, God will bless you. :D
Anw, really hope that I will get back my wallet soon in perfect condition with everything still inside it.. :]
Btw, I wanted to change profile info, but blogger is so.. limited and constricted.. So I might either change blog soon, or change to a diff host, not blogger.. See how, when I have time..
AHHH.. SJI's O lvl results released today topped SJI history again!! Even better now, hardly any Bs and below!! Andandand, MY BROTHER GOT 6 POINTS FOR O LEVELS!!! ZOMG!! I NEED TO GET 6 POINTS FOR MY Os TOO.. Man, I'm actually proud to have a bro with 6 points.
BUTBUTBUT, cos our principle is a NEWBIE, we didnt get a holiday.. It was like,
"SJI has done excellent, we have topped our records again!"
"WOOH!!! YEAH!!! WOOH!!! [APPLAUDING] HOLIDAY SIA!!"
"And that is the end of the announcement, Good day."
"UHHH!!! WHY LIKE THIS ONE! NO HOLIDAY?!"
-.-, so sad, but MAN, I NEED TO GET 6 POINTS FOR OS BEFORE MINUSING OFF THE CCA POINTS!!! Imma studyy!!!
Ugh, I suffered internal injury after I did my pull ups during P.E cos I landed incorrectly. But thank God, He answered my prayers and healed me. My lungs were in serious pain. Oh well, thats all for now.
You're a headache, each time I turn soft for u, you strike me again.
Been falling asleep in class recently due to exhaustion. I really try not to, but sec 3's really tougher. Com science is amazing. 5 lessons in 1 one day for now. Though, there is a plan to change that. I like the teachers that I got, I find them all nice and friendly. (:
I just wish it wouldnt end like that without a reason..
Yesterday at 8pm- about 1am in the morning today, had a real New Year countdown party. Totally fun. Though we partied with lots of strangers, it was still so totally fun. I guess sometimes partying with strangers can be better than having outings with friends, especially since its so hard to host an outing with friends nowadays. -.-
Oh btw, recently been pretty busy, so sorry to those who tried to contact me. As well as those who have sent me letters at facebook and pet society, lol, sorry, I'll try to reply ur asap. Your can still try to contact me via msn tho.
It's a new year, and a new school term starts tml. Feeling refreshed, and ready for SECONDARY 3!! YEA, LONG PANTS, MAN. LONGGGGGG PANTS. Yesh, finally fixed my hack FOR REAL, no extra modifications, I finally got the real thing working, no makeshift, its the real shebang. YEA. much more effective now. bwahahah.
Cheerio, Happy New Year!
I went Sentosa on Christmas.. Im gonna cut my hair tml, I got my Levi's shirt today.. :D
Eh, I spent so much of my savings recently..
$99 for board
$6 for choc gifts
$29 for M1 Exploded Bill
$18 Cross Chain Necklace
___________
Total: $152 o.o, dang..
Supposed to go Sentosa today, but it rained..
Bought new shoes and watched Bolt 3D today, the new 3d technology is amazing, so much better than that in the past.. ticket was $13 though.. :x
Well, Merry Christmas Eve!
I'm so bored... Twilight is a nice movie, I might be buying the book series..
Woohoo! My Hope is coming, and im training my Advance Garde now. I updated. yay. Got my board today. Done.
Okay, first time someone told me to update on my tagboard, so im updating. I'm gonna be VET in GE!!! BWAHAHHAHAHA!!! ok. Yesterday, I failed to learn to bike, but I managed to learn how to swaveboard in less than 5 minutes!! Im gonna buy either a swave or a ripstik. K, if u dunno wads tht, too bad. When I buy, I tell u. lol. K, thats all.
Ever since I've had that monster cold a few weeks ago, I've been smelling blood in my nose.. That was the glue smell I kept smelling in my nose last time. And since my cough is spurred cos of that, I've been coughing fragments of blood. Yay. :D
Watched Madagascar 2 with my friends yesterday at Orchard Cineleisure, it was so hilarious, that show is funny.
After that, played a bit of arcade, I went high when I was playing House of Dead 4, lol. ah, dont feel like typing anymore..
Oh yea, I forgot to post yesterday, it was my birthday yesterday. I was too busy playing com that I forgot. Anw, just came back from ACE camp too, and it was the worst camp I ever had. Now i'm down with a horrible sore throat, ever since I scalded my tongue everyday of the camp and had to chew, leave in mouth for quite a while, and then swallow 2 whole chilli padis. Ah, crapp..
Oh gosh, been feeling so feverish that I totally forgot about the pics of the Red Alert Launch Fair on Monday.
It was a utter disgrace. Super empty, just booths to buy stuff, redeem pre-ordered copies and goodies in the bundle, and 4 computers to try it out. I got so bored of the fair that when I could try it out, I didn't want to..
Oh well, here's the pics.
Some are not that clear tho..
I have to say, graphics are pretty awesome after all, the water detail is amazing..
This is a preview of Battlefield : Heroes or something. It's totally cartoony..
Alright, when LAN yesterday for about 3.5 hours, played Frozen Throne (DotA, Rabbit Vs Sheep, a bit of Pudge Wars), and Unreal Tournament 3.
For DotA, not bad, had some fun provoking Jian You, and as expected, he started to spam vulgarities at his team mate and blame them when I kept pwning his head. So his team got messed up, as expected, so fun! Thats why no one wants to be on his team. Anw, average match bah, didnt die too much, but didn't kil much either, last game was halved cos we gtg alr, and on that match my teammate was getting ganged 3v1, he couldn't do much so he use ulti, and I tried to help by throwing a shuriken. -.-, anw, his ulti left them all red hp, so I helped avenge him. Got double kill as a result.
For Rabbit Vs Sheep, it was a 4v5 match, my team has 4 people. No shops, no upgrades, no fountains. All my team mates died one by one before the other team.. so it was 2v4 or 2v5 soon if I was not wrong. I maintained with my favourite hero. Cut long story short, it soon turned to 1v1, me against another guy, and we both used our only resurrection already. So it was either him or me to win. Game lasted long, he was suffering, he had red health, very little health, and I was slowly gaining my health and mana back. Conclusion, he lost, Ended lvl 29, while I won, Ended lvl 34+, FULL health, FULL mp, ownage! Game lasted super long sia. Thank goodness I used my favourite hero. Bwhahahaha!
Played a little bit of Pudge Wars while most of the rest played CS. 3 people including me only. so it was a 1v2, and I was the 1. So unfair, definately. Game was cut-short, but ended with 11kills on both sides (even), even tho they had a serious advantage. Ownage!
And finally.. Played Unreal Tournament 3 for the first time, I've got to say Graphics are splendid, and pleasing to the eye when playing hours of it non-stop. Weapons are cool with a secondary function, and best of all, vehicles are awesome, futuristic vehicles which give a cool but possible impression, also with a secondary function, totally awesome. If theres an FPS game on Computer than I wanna get, it's gonna be that, pretty awesome. Loved taking the viper and chionging all the way to the enemy's flag in Capture the Flag. Of course, they were usually kamikaze missions, but at least you could see my name appear on the screen so often. lol.
Had quite some fun, especially since I haven't went LAN for so long alr, but I wasted money.. oh well..
Anw, yesterday I finally managed to solve the Patching bug for my Warcraft, took me about 1 hour, had to create new string thread and everything to solve the patching bug, and finally I could play bnet after patching it.
Today, played Bnet, it's been so long since I last went online on Bnet, either how, played 1 and a incomplete DotA match, and well, it went okay.. just that there were hardcore pros and noobs.. oh well, had some fun.
And.. today's the last school day, and my form teacher is leaving the school which means can't visit him in school after sec 4 again, just like all my p6 teachers disappearing too.. zz, oh well, at least still got chalet and still got ACE camp to meet up with the rest..
Gosh, brain's heating up.. Have to solve some stupid technical problem with my printer, help my brother with his blue screen of death, arrange some stuff over msn, ARGH, stupid inferior technology. I hate wasting time, and such technology should be abolished. I give up.
Darn, freaking been having some breathing difficulties and rib cage pain recently, now better tho.
..Had to go back to sch today even though it was our marking day cos of ACE camp briefing and Com Science O level Entry test.. Actually I need not go for the test, but cos my marks werent super fantastic due to my flunks at the first term so I had to. Actually Mr.Soo said that he would chose me, but he needs some paperwork just for formalities purpose. Bwahahaha, im somewhat good friends with my com science teacher so he treats me better, bwahahah. Anw, test was super easy, hardest part I found was the excel part since the last time I did Microsoft excel programming was about 4 years ago, and I forgot much of it, but its only a minor section anw, and I still managed to do it properly I think.
And I saw this 2 F.R.I.E.N.D.S episodes today, and they were super funny.
I could only get the first video on youtube tho, the other one cannot find on youtube so I cant post it here, sadly the other one is the funnier one. Cos in this video, Joey confesses that he likes Rachel, then in the next part ( which I cant find on utube), he avoids her cos she rejected him and he felt it weird to go talk to her.
Okay wait, I found the whole script for that episode. It's episode 16 of Season 8, The One Where Joey Tells Rachel. and the episode after that. Oh btw, it's the uncut script, so it might be a bit different from what u see.. enjoy. :D but u might not find it funny, must see joey's hilarious face than you'll find it funny. lol.
_________________
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey is talking to Ross]
Joey: There’s this woman, that I like. A lot. Well, it’s complicated. She’s with this other guy. For a long time. And I could never do that to the guy, y’know? ’Ccause we’re really good friends.
Ross: So, uh, this guy, she used to go out with, is, uh… is he a good guy?
Joey: Yeah, he’s the best.
Ross: Then talk to him! He might be fine with it.
Joey: Oh, I don’t know.
Ross: Joey, it’s worth finding out. I mean, if you really like her.
Joey: I do! So much! I can’t stop thinking about her! I can’t sleep, I—
Ross: Okay, Joey, you know what? You have to go for it. How often does this happen to you, huh? You owe it to yourself. (Walks towards the door until…)
Joey: It’s Rachel.
[Fade to Black, then fade in again with Ross stopped at the doorway.]
Ross: (closes the door) Did you um—I’m sorry, did you just say it’s Rachel?
Joey: Yes.
Ross: Um, you…you like Rachel?
Joey: Yes. I like Rachel.
Ross: Rachel?!
Joey: (startled) Yeah, okay but look, buy uh—Hey-hey, y’know, y’know who else I like? You! And it-it doesn’t get said enough. I like you Ross.
Ross: But R-R-Rachel-Rachel?!
Joey: Yeah, but it’s not a big deal.
Ross: It’s not a big deal? Oh, I’m sorry I just…um, I…what about all the stuff you-you just said? I mean how about, I like—you-you can’t stop thinking about her. Like how you can’t sleep?
Joey: I’m an actor, y’know? As-as a group, we tend to be over dramatic.
Ross: Rachel who’s carrying my baby? Rachel?
Joey: Look no, I-I know it’s bad, and I know it’s wrong. Okay? But-but it’s not like anything’s ever gonna happen. Y’know? These-these are just feelings, they’re gonna go away.
Ross: Y’know what? I-I gotta go. (Starts to leave.)
Joey: Oh come on Ross! Hey Ross-Ross don’t…
Ross: (stops) I just—y’know—I-I just have one—Rachel?!
(He exits and starts to walk away, passes a window, stops, and says "Rachel?!" again. Joey sighs and turns around to face Gunther.)
Gunther: Rachel?!!
Opening Credits
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel and Chandler are on the couch.]
Rachel: Oh-oh! Okay, she’s kicking!
Chandler: Oh! (Puts his hand on her belly.) She’s growing inside you.
Rachel: Whoa!!
Chandler: Oh! (Pulls his hand away.)
Rachel: Wow that was a big one.
Chandler: I think that’s the youngest girl ever to reject me.
Phoebe: (entering) Oh hey you guys!
Chandler: Oh hey!
Rachel: Hi!
Phoebe: Hey listen let me ask you, do you believe in soul mates?
Rachel: Oh yes I do. I do. I believe that there is one perfect person out there for everyone. And do you know how you find him? You stop looking for him. That’s why I stopped looking for Russell Crowe. He’ll find me.
Phoebe: Uh-huh, (To Chandler) and you?
Chandler: No. I mean I believe that uh, certain people are more suited for each other and I believe in falling in love, but soul mates, I don’t think they exist.
Phoebe: Okay, good.
Chandler: Why?
Phoebe: Well last night, I met Monica’s.
Chandler: What?
Phoebe: Yeah, I had a date with this guy, and I swear to God, he is her other half.
Chandler: Come on, don’t be crazy. (To Rachel) You don’t think there’s someone out there better suited for Monica than me, do ya? (Rachel looks at him.)
Rachel: (To Phoebe) Well, what’s he like?!
Phoebe: Well he’s tall.
Rachel: Uh-huh.
Phoebe: He has brown hair.
Rachel: Of course, of course.
Chandler: A tall guy with hair similar to mine, oh unknowable universe!
Phoebe: He works with food!
Rachel: Oh sure. Older?
Phoebe: Obviously, and he’s British.
Rachel: Oh, I was just gonna ask!
Phoebe: Yeah? And, he’s-he’s so centered and mature and confident.
Rachel: Oh, it’s so sad they never had a chance to meet.
Chandler: Luckily, the guy she settled for can’t hear what you’re talking about.
Phoebe: Oh, I’m so sorry. Um, and maybe I’m wrong! I but—y’know I’m gonna go out with him again, I’ll find out more.
Chandler: You believe that this guy is destined for someone else and you’re still gonna date him?
Phoebe: Well, he may not be my soul mate, but a girl’s gotta eat.
[Scene: Ross and Rachel's, Ross is reading the back of one of Joey's headshots]
Ross: Rachel?! I didn't know Joey was on Jag.
(There's a knock at the door. Ross is opens it to Monica.)
Monica: Hey.
Ross: Hey.
Monica: I just talked to Joey, I just—I want to see how you were.
Ross: Oh y’know, I still—I can’t believe it. Joey and Rachel I mean it’s… It’s like you and me going out, only weirder!
Monica: All right, I know you’re hurting, and-and I want to be supportive, but don’t say that again.
Ross: Oh my God! What if, what if they get married? Then he’d be the stepfather of my child.
Monica: Honey, I don’t think that’s something we need to worry about! First of all he’s-he’s never gonna tell her how he feels about her. And even if he did you have no idea how she’d react.
Ross: Sure, because women never like Joey. Y’know, I think he’s a virgin.
Monica: Joey…he’s not even thinking about going after Rachel!
Ross: He’s not?
Monica: No! All he’s thinking about is how you’re taking this! I mean, listen it’s totally freaking him out. He’s talking about moving to Vermont.
Ross: Why?
Monica: He says he wants to leave the country. (Pause) He thinks you hate him.
Ross: Hate him? I… No, I don’t hate him. (Pause) It’s just it’s Rachel, y’know?
Monica: Honey I can’t even imagine how hard this must be for you. But, I don’t want you to lose Joey over it. And right now he just needs to know that you’re still his friend.
Ross: Okay. Okay, I’ll talk to him.
Monica: All right. Now do it soon, he just asked me how to convert his dollars into Vermont money.
[Scene: Central Perk, Monica and Chandler are on the couch as Phoebe enters with Monica’s soul mate.]
Phoebe: Oh! Hi!
Monica: Hi!
Phoebe: Umm, Chandler, Monica, this is Don.
Don: Oh, hello. (Shakes Chandler’s hand.) Hello. (Shakes Monica’s hand.)
Phoebe: (mouths to Chandler) Soul mate.
Chandler: (mouths to Phoebe) What?
Phoebe: (cough talks) Soul mate.
Monica: So, what have you guys been doing?
Don: Well, we just had a terrible lunch today at Reattica. What is with all the sun-dried tomatoes at that place?
Monica: I know! What is this, 1985?!
Don: That’s exactly what I said. Phoebe, isn’t that strange.
Monica: Not really.
Chandler: What’s wrong with sun-dried tomatoes? (Everyone stares at him.) On a barbecue chicken pizza? (Still there’s staring.) No?
Monica: So Don, what-what other restaurants do you like?
Don: Well, Octavio, 27&7—Oh! And there’s this great little place, Alessandro’s.
Monica: Oh my God! That’s my restaurant, I’m the chef there.
Don: You’re kidding me!
Monica: No!
Don: Your food is fantastic! Wow, I really want to talk to you about your menu, once I get some coffees first. Um, anyone want any?
Monica: Oh, I’d like a latte. Oh y’know what? If you’re gonna talk about me, I’m gonna go with you.
Chandler: Yeah. I'll have a mochaccino.
(They go over to the counter and Chandler moves closer to Phoebe.)
Chandler: What are you doing?!
Phoebe: Nothing! I swear to God I didn’t know you guys would be here! And the good news is you didn’t believe in soul mates. So…
Chandler: I believe in tall, handsome strangers who hit on my wife!
Phoebe: They’re just talking, and y’know what? Just because I think they’re soul mates doesn’t mean anything’s gonna happen.
Monica: (returning) Phoebe, good work.
Phoebe: Yeah?
Monica: Yeah! Oh he’s great, I love him. (Walks away and Chandler glares at Phoebe.)
Phoebe: Don’t worry, we’ll find you someone else.
[Scene: Joey’s Apartment, there’s a knock on the door and Joey answers it to Ross.]
Joey: Hey.
Ross: Hey.
Joey: Look, I understand if you came by to hit me, I deserve it.
Ross: No, I don’t want to hit you.
Joey: Oh what then? Kick me?
Ross: No.
Joey: (getting worried) Bite me?
Ross: No, no I don’t want to do anything to you. All right? I just want to tell you that I’m not mad at you and…and that I certainly do not hate you. I just, I just came here to say that. (Starts to leave.)
Joey: Oh now—Hey Ross-Ross! Do you wanna-wanna come in for a beer or something?
Ross: Uh…yeah sure. (Enters.)
Joey: Do uh, do you got any beer? All-all I got is this melon stuff that Rachel left. I don’t…
Ross: Okay.
Joey: (pouring two glasses) Hey look Ross, you need to understand something okay? I uh…I am never gonna act on this Rachel thing, okay? I-I would never do anything to jeopardize my friendship with you. (He hands Ross a glass.)
Ross: Thank you.
(They clink glasses and take a drink. Ross likes it, Joey hates it. Then Ross sees Joey hating it, mimics he hates it as well.)
Joey: Anyway, it uh…look it’ll just…take me a while to get over her, that’s all. I’m not even sure how to do that, I mean I’ve never been in love before so…
Ross: What?! You’re in love with her.
Joey: Yeah, I thought you knew that.
Ross: Umm, no.
Joey: Wow. Hey look, if it helps, I don’t want to feel this way. Honest. I just keep thinking, "Ah, I’ll get over this." Y’know? I just—It just keeps gettin’ harder. I don’t, I don’t know what to do. Y’know? What do I do?
(Pause)
Ross: I think you need to tell her how you feel.
Joey: Okay that’s the green stuff talkin’.
Ross: No, I’m serious. You-you need to find out where she is, because if she’s not where you are, then you can start to move past this.
Joey: But what if uh—and I’m not saying she will be—But…
Ross: If she is where you are then uh…then my feeling weird about it shouldn’t stand in the way.
Joey: Are you sure?
Ross: Yeah. Look if-if she’s gonna end up with somebody else, the truth is she couldn’t find a better guy. So…
Joey: Hey thanks.
Ross: So when do you think you’re gonna talk to her?
Joey: Oh my God I have to tell her! I haven’t even thought about what I will say. What should I say?
Ross: I’m understanding, but let’s not get carried away.
Joey: I’m sorry, you’re right. What am I gonna say? (He takes another sip of the green stuff and recoils at the taste.) Oh!
Ross: Yeah, tell me about it. (He stands up, turns his back to Joey, and enjoys another sip.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe and Chandler are watching Monica and Don talk.]
Don: …so I’ve been slowly phasing out the wine importing and focusing more on the cheese side of things.
Chandler: Cheese you say? That’s some pretty smelly work, huh Don?
Don: Excuse me?
Chandler: Cheese, it’s smelly. You must smell a lot of the time too.
Don: Uh, not really. But when it comes to cheese, I’m one of the people who thinks the smellier the better.
Monica: Me too! Yeah, Chandler can’t stand it. He won’t even allow me to have blue cheese in the house.
Don: And you’re still married to him? (They both laugh, and Chandler tries to but fails.)
Monica: You know what I’d love to do? I would like to go to France and eat nothing but bread and cheese—Not even bread, just cheese. No, I want the bread. Yeah. Ah, and pastries… (Breathlessly) And pate. Oh, I’m really not high, it’s just I used to be fat.
Don: Well if you where ever enter the Loire valley let me know, I’ve got a great little villa you can stay at.
Chandler: Is it made of cheese?
Don: No. But God, a house made of cheese, wouldn’t that be incredible?!
Monica: I’d move in tomorrow!
Chandler: (disgusted) Oh come on! (To Phoebe) Are you listening to this?
Phoebe: I’m so sorry.
Chandler: What do we do?
Phoebe: I don’t know, they both want to live in a house of cheese! I don’t know how you fight that.
[Scene: Outside Ross and Rachel's, Joey walks up to knock on the door, but stops.]
Joey: Okay. Okay, I can do this. I can tell her how I feel. Just uh, just stand up straight. (Does so.) Take a couple deep breaths. (Does so.) Look confident. (Does so as Rachel opens the door and startles him.)
Rachel: Joey? What’s up?
Joey: I uh, I just came by because I-I want to talk to you about something.
Rachel: Okay what’s up?
Joey: Here? In the hall? What are we animals?
Rachel: Well honey, I’m late for a meeting. So can you just make it quick?
Joey: Okay umm, I just came by to tell you that I…want to have dinner with you tonight. That’s all.
Rachel: Sure! That sounds great! Just leave me a message and tell me where to meet you. Okay? (Walks away.)
Joey: Okay. That’s good. Okay, that give you a couple hours to prepare what you’re gonna say. Good. Yeah. (Someone comes out of his apartment and it startles Joey again.) Don’t you people ever knock?!
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica and Chandler are entering.]
Monica: I’d like to have Don and Phoebe over. Wouldn’t that be nice?
Chandler: Sure, why don’t you set it up. I’ll just be over here, browsing through the personals.
Monica: Are you okay? You’ve been acting weird all afternoon.
Chandler: Yeah, fine. Fine. Not perfect!! But good enough.
Monica: Jeez! What is with you?
Chandler: I’m sorry, did you say cheese?
Monica: All right, what’s going on?
Chandler: Phoebe thinks you and Don are soul mates, and I don’t believe in that kind of stuff. But then you two totally get along. So look, I won’t stand in your way if you want to run off with Don and live in a house of cheese.
Monica: Chandler, you don’t believe in soul mates?
Chandler: No. But I’m sure (mimics Don) ‘tomatoes’ does.
Monica: I don’t believe in soul mates either.
Chandler: You don’t?
Monica: No. I don’t think that you and I were destined to end up together. I think that we fell in love and work hard at our relationship. Some days we work really hard.
Chandler: So you…you don’t want to live with Don in a cheese house?
Monica: No, I’ve had second thoughts about that. Do you realize how hard that would be to clean?
Chandler: I love you.
Monica: I know.
Chandler: Y’know what? I am going to take you out to dinner tonight. I found this place that makes the greatest mozzarella sticks and jalepino poppers . (Monica doesn’t look impressed.) No? Really? They taste so good.
[Scene: A restaurant, Joey and Rachel are having dinner.]
Rachel: …and I know Chandler is kidding but it happens every time he touches my stomach. I mean I’m really worried the baby’s not going to like him. (Joey is staring at the table.) Are you okay?
Joey: What? Yeah! Sure! Uh, look at the uh, the reason…(Exhales slowly)—Is it hot in here?
Rachel: No. Not-not for me, but why don’t you take off your sweater?
Joey: I would, but this is a nice place and my T-shirt has a picture of Calvin doing Hobbs.
Rachel: Oh my God! Really?! Can I see it?
Joey: Yeah. Sure. (They both half stand up, Joey pulls the neck of his sweater out, and Rachel looks down it to see his T-shirt.)
Rachel: Huh. Wow, I wouldn’t think Hobbs would like that so much.
Joey: Uh… How long have we known each other?
Rachel: Um, seven…e-e-eight, eight years. Wow.
Joey: Uh-huh, long time.
Rachel: Yeah.
Joey: But over the past few weeks…
(A waiter runs over interrupting Joey.)
Waiter: Hah, sorry about the wait, but it is mega-jammed in here! We have a couple specials tonight…
Joey: Actually uh, could you give us a second?
Waiter: Sure. Sure. (Turns away, then turns back) Second’s up! (Joey glares at him.) Not…that kind of table. (He walks away.)
Rachel: So you were saying?
Joey: I’m not quite sure.
Rachel: Okay, well you had asked me how long we had known each other, and I said, "Eight years." And the um, waiter came over and cut his tip in half, and umm…now here we are.
Joey: Yeah, here we are. Uhh… I… I think I’m…falling in love with you.
Rachel: (stunned) What?
Joey: I’m falling in love with you.
Rachel: (looking around) Who are you talking too? Oh, you’re kidding! Oh, it’s a joke! (Laughs.) It’s funny. It’s funny. I don’t get it. (Joey doesn’t say any thing and Rachel realizes it’s not a joke.) Oh. (Pause) Okay. Umm… I-I…uh, wow.
Waiter: (Interrupting again) Ok, so the special's are... (Sees they are not responding, so he walks off again
Rachel: Are you uh… How did umm… When?
Joey: Does it really matter?
Rachel: Wow! Wow. Wow. Wow, it is hot in here.
Joey: Okay look Rach, I know this is a lot. You don’t have to say anything. You-you uh, you take as much time as you need. (Long pause as Rachel says nothing.) Okay, you gotta say something!
Rachel: Joey, Joey I love you so much, but I…
Joey: But. (Hangs his head down.)
Rachel: Joey.
Joey: Yeah-yeah right. That’s okay. That’s fine. That’s uh, pretty much what I was expecting. So uh, it’s no big deal. All right? I think I’m gonna go. (Stands up.)
Rachel: No! Joey please! Please don’t! Please don’t leave like this! Now come on, you cannot do this to a pregnant woman! (Starts to cry.)
Joey: Don’t start doing that. You can’t do that Rach, ‘cause then you’re gonna make me do that. (Starts to cry.) Oh, here we go! (Sits down next to her.)
Rachel: Can I? (Hug him.)
Joey: Sure!
(They hug.)
Rachel: Oh Joey honey I don’t…I don’t want to lose…
Joey: Hey-hey-hey, hey! You can’t. Okay? Ever!
Rachel: I’m so sorry.
Joey: Oh no-no Rach, please, don’t be sorry. Okay? Don’t be sorry. (They hug again.) Y’know I was only kidding you.
Rachel: Yeah, that was a real good one.
Closing Credits
[Scene: A restaurant, Joey and Rachel are still hugging as a waiter walks by the table to talk to the annoying waiter from before who is watching.]
Waiter No. 2: Is this your table?
Waiter: Yeah.
Waiter No. 2: God, you’re gonna be here all night!
Waiter: I know! I haven’t even read them the specials yet!
Waiter No. 2: What’s the matter with them?
Waiter: I don’t know. I think maybe one of them is dying. (Pause) I kinda hope it’s the girl. (The other waiter is shocked.) The guy is really cute!
_________________
Next episode
[Scene: The Hallway, Rachel walks up the stairs and knocks on Joey’s door.]
Rachel: Joey? Are you in there?
[Cut to inside Monica and Chandler’s, Monica, Chandler and Joey are eating breakfast.]
Joey: (hearing Rachel and jumping up with his plate) Oh God! That’s Rachel!
Monica: Joey, you have to talk to her!
Joey: No-no, I can’t! I can’t! Not after the other night, it’s just it’s…too weird, okay? Don’t tell her I’m here! (Turns to run to the bathroom and his bagel falls off the plate onto the floor.) Don’t eat that! (Runs to the bathroom as Rachel enters.)
Rachel: Hey!
Chandler: Hey!
Monica: Hey Rachel!
Rachel: Is Joey here?
Chandler: I don’t see him. (To Monica) Do you see him?
Monica: I don’t see him. Hey! Maybe he’s in the sugar bowl! (Opens the sugar bowl) Joey? Nope! (Closes the sugar bowl and they both laugh.)
Rachel: Well, at least you make each other laugh.
Monica: What’s up?
Rachel: Well, I haven’t seen him since that night that he told me how he y’know… I don’t know, I think he’s avoiding me. Why is that bagel on the floor?
Monica: We were playing a game.
Rachel: Ew, was Chandler naked? Sort of like a, like a ring toss kind of situation?
Monica: Sure.
Chandler: What?! No! No!
Rachel: All right. Well listen, if you see Joey will you just tell him uh…tell him I miss him. (Exits and Joey enters.)
Monica: (To Joey) Okay, did you hear that?
Joey: Yeah, a naked bagel game? (Picks up his dropped bagel.) (To Chandler) Dude, I don’t know. That’s a pretty small hole.
Monica: Honey, you gotta talk to her.
Joey: I can’t! Y’know? You guys don’t know what it’s like to put yourself out there like that and just get shot down.
Chandler: (incredulous) I don’t know what that’s like?! Up until I was 25 I thought the only response to, "I love you," was, "Oh crap!"
Monica: Hello? No rejection? I got shot down at fat camp! Boy, kids are mean when they’re hungry.
Joey: All right so, so what do I do?
Monica: This is Rachel. I mean, what are you gonna do, never going to talk to her again? I mean I know it’s weird, it’s awkward, but you gotta at least try.
Joey: Yeah. Okay. (Goes to take a bite out of the previously mentioned bagel.) Whoa! (Stops.) I almost forgot this was on your…
Chandler: (interrupting him) We didn’t play it!!
Opening Credits
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is holding a book as she, Rachel, and Monica drink some tea as Chandler looks on.]
Phoebe: Okay, so when you’re done with your tea I’ll look at your leaves and tell you your fortune.
Chandler: I didn’t know you read tea leaves.
Phoebe: Oh yeah, I’ve done it for years. I actually stopped because I was so accurate. Y’know, and-and y’know, one of the great joys of life is it’s-it’s wondrous unpredictability. Y’know? And also tea tends to give me the trots.
Monica: Okay, I’m done. Read mine.
Phoebe: Okay. (Looks at the leaves.) Ooh, I see a ladder. (Checks the book) Which can mean either a promotion or a violent death.
Monica: (stunned) I-I’m the head chef. I-I can’t get promoted.
Phoebe: Uh-hmm. Uh-hmm, who’s next?
Rachel: Okay, I’m done. Do mine.
Phoebe: Okay. (Reads the leaves) Umm, oh! Okay, I see a circle.
Rachel: Ah.
Phoebe: Oh! (Checking the book) Which can either mean you’re having a baby or you’re gonna make a scientific discovery!
Rachel: Well, I have been spending a lot of time in the lab.
Chandler: What does yours say Pheebs?
Phoebe: Umm… Wow, all right. (Checks the book.) Wow! Yay! Ooh, I’m gonna meet a guy! And really soon! And he’s gonna be the man of my dreams. Probably not the guy I had a dream about last night. (Points at Chandler.)
Ross: (entering) Hey! Has anyone seen my shirt? It’s a button down, like a, like a faded salmon color?
Monica: You mean your pink shirt?
Ross: Faded salmon color.
Monica: No, I-I haven’t seen your pink shirt.
Ross: Great! Great. Then I must’ve left it at Mona’s. I knew it!
Chandler: Well, I’m sure you get another one at Ann Taylor’s.
Ross: That’s my favorite shirt! Okay? I love that shirt!
Rachel: Well just ask Mona to give it back!
Ross: I don’t know. I mean I-I guess I could. It’s just that we didn’t really end things such good terms. And if I go over there I’d be ignoring the one thing she asked me to do when we broke up, jump up my own ass and die. (Walks away.)
Phoebe: (noticing a guy sitting by the green post looking at her) Oh wait a second you guys…for the last couple weeks I’ve been that guy everywhere I go. We take the same bus. We go to the same bookstore, the same dry cleaners; maybe he’s the tea guy. (He gets up to leave, and smiles at Phoebe.)
Chandler: Phoebe, did you see that?! He totally checked you out! He is so cute! (Looking at his tea.) Mine has a picture of The Village People, what does that mean?
(Joey enters.)
Rachel: Hi!
Joey: Hey.
(He slowly walks to the other side of the couch and sits down at the table, an awkward silence follows.)
Rachel: Hi.
Joey: Hi.
(More awkward silence.)
Monica: Tea gives Phoebe the trots.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandler is cooking as Rachel paces nervously.]
Rachel: So I thought Joey and I would be okay once we hung out, but it’s not even like we know how to be with each other anymore. And by the way, I've been meaning to say this. If you guys knew about this a little heads-up would've been nice. Just a little. You know "Joey loves you, be prepared".
Monica: Sorry.
Rachel: Well, for next time.
Chandler: I know it’s tough now, but things will get better.
Rachel: How do you know that? What if it just gets worse and worse and worse, to the point where we can’t even be in the same room with each other?!
Chandler: I’m not great at the advice, can I interest you in a sarcastic comment? Some cheese?
Monica: Honey, what is the Bruce Springsteen CD in the Kat Stevens case?
Chandler: Let’s just say if I can’t find the right CD case I just put it in the nearest one.
Monica: Okay, where is the Kat Stevens CD?
Chandler: In the James Taylor case.
Monica: Where is the James Taylor CD?
Chandler: Honey, I’m gonna save you some time, 200 CDs, not one of them in the right case.
Monica: Okay. No need to panic. Deep breathes everyone. Okay umm uh, we’re just gonna have to spend some time and put the CDs in the right cases.
Chandler: Well, if we’re gonna do that we should come up with some kind of order. Y’know alphabetically or by genre?
Monica: Hmm, I don’t know. We really have to talk this through.
Rachel: Oh my God!! You guys have such problems!! I feel so terrible for you!
Monica: Okay, I-I’m sorry. You and Joey, your both focusing on this uncomfortable thing, what you need to do is to change the subject. Next time you see him try to get him talking about something else.
Rachel: Oh yeah. That makes sense.
Monica: Yeah, like I don’t know, maybe you have a work problem that you need his advice on.
Rachel: Ooh, I can do that.
Monica: Good. (To Chandler) Uh honey, the Miami Vice soundtrack? Really?
Chandler: They were just giving those away at the store (off Monica’s look) in exchange for money.
Joey: (entering) Hey!
Rachel: Hi.
Monica: Uh I really don’t know what to tell you Rach, I really don’t. I mean, maybe Joey can help you out with your, with your big work problem.
Rachel: What?
Monica: Yeah Joey she’s…Rachel’s got this really big work problem, and it is a head scratcher. Wow! (To Chandler) Y’know what, if we’re gonna make dinner we’re gonna have to leave. Yeah. Joey, maybe you could help her out.
Joey: Okay.
Monica: Oh and y'know what, while your helping solve this problem, you might want to do something with your hands, like umm, I don't know, ff the top of my head err... maybe put the CD's in the right cases.
Chandler: Here we go
(He leads her out the room)
Joey: So you uh, have a…big work problem?
Rachel: Yeah it’s umm… Yeah it’s uh… It-it’s y’know—It’s nothing.
Joey: Huh. Okay. (Awkward silence.) So uh, I think I’m gonna take off.
Rachel: Yeah—No wait! Joey no wait it is. It’s something. It’s-it’s umm…it’s my boss.
Joey: Yeah?
Rachel: Yeah, and umm my baby.
Joey: Yeah?
Rachel: My boss wants to buy my baby!
Joey: What?! Oh my-oh my God!
Rachel: I know I told you, it’s a really big problem.
Joey: What he wants to buy your baby?!
Rachel: Can you believe that?!
Joey: That’s crazy!
Rachel: That’s what I told him!
Joey: Okay, how did this even happen?
Rachel: Well I’ll tell ya! (Pause) See uh my-my boss and his wife—They-they can’t have children. So umm, and that—we were at the Christmas party, and he got drunk, and he said to me, "Rachel, I want to buy your baby."
Joey: Man! When you said it was a problem about your boss and the baby I figured it was something about maternity leave.
Rachel: Ohh! Yeah! (Pause) Yeah that-that would’ve been a much simpler problem.
[Scene: A newsstand, Phoebe is looking at a magazine as the guy from before walks by and picks up a newspaper.]
Phoebe: Oh hello.
Guy: Oh, it’s you. I see you everywhere. I’m Jim, Jim Nelson.
Phoebe: Oh Jim, Jim Nelson I’m Phoebe, Phoebe Buffay. We certainly have been seeing a lot of each other lately.
Jim: We have. Maybe we’ll be seeing each other at dinner tomorrow night, say around 8 o’clock?
Phoebe: Well, maybe we will. (Starts to walk away.) Oh! (She turns around and they exchange information.)
[Scene: Outside Mona’s Apartment, Ross is knocking on the door.]
Ross: Mona? (There’s no answer, so he starts to leave but remembers where her extra key is. He reaches atop a hall light just outside her door and grabs the key. He looks at in triumph as the pain from it being hot moves along his nervous system to his brain, and when it arrives his brain orders his hand to drop the hot key and his mouth to squeal in pain. After dropping the key he pulls his shirtsleeve over his hand and uses the key to open the door and enter Mona’s apartment.) Okay, if I were a salmon shirt, where would I be? (thinks of and answer) Upstream. Damn, nobody's here for my good ones. (He hears a key in the door and as it opens he dives behind the couch.)
Mona: (entering, with her date) I am so sorry I spilled wine all over your shirt.
Mona's Date: Oh, it’s okay.
Mona: No, it’s still wet. Y’know what? Let me get it out before it sets. Ooh, I have something you can wear. Here. (Hands him Ross’s shirt.)
Mona's Date: Oh umm, I-I don’t know if I want to wear a woman’s shirt.
Mona: No-no that’s a man’s shirt.
Mona's Date: It’s awfully pink. (Ross mouths, "It’s salmon!")
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica and Chandler are sorting their CDs.]
Chandler: Oh my God, honey we are so meant to be together. We both have copies of the Annie soundtrack.
Monica: Honey, both yours.
Rachel: (entering) Hey! Great advice on that Joey thing!
Monica: Yeah? The work problem?
Rachel: Oh it was perfect! I mean it really felt like he was my friend again.
Chandler: What problem did you tell him you had?
Rachel: Oh that’s not important. The point is, I really—I think everything’s gonna be okay.
[Scene: Mr. Zelner’s Office, he’s in a meeting as Joey bursts in.]
Mr. Zelner: May I help you?
Joey: Do you think you can just buy my friends baby?!
[Scene: A restaurant, Phoebe and Jim are on their date.]
Phoebe: Isn’t it funny how we kept running into each other? It’s as if someone really wants us to be together.
Jim: Someone does. Me.
Phoebe: Oh, witty banter. Well done.
Jim: So, tell me a little bit about yourself.
Phoebe: Oh okay, well I’m a masseuse, and I used to work at this place…
Jim: Do you like to party?
Phoebe: I-I-I like, I like parties.
Jim: You’re wild, aren’t ya?
Phoebe: Yeah I guess, a little.
Jim: It ain’t no thing, I’m wild too.
Phoebe: (a little freaked out) So! Umm, anyway I-I lived in New York, someone wildly I guess, for umm—Well since I was fourteen.
Jim: I’m sorry. I’m staring. It’s just that you have the most beautiful eyes.
Phoebe: Oh stop it.
Jim: And your breasts! Hmm!!!
Phoebe: Okay. Umm look, you’re coming on a little strong. But I’m going to give you the benefit of the doubt, because it seems the universe really wants to be together. So, why don’t we just start over okay? And you can just tell me about yourself.
Jim: All right.
Phoebe: Okay.
Jim: I write erotic novels, for children.
Phoebe: What?!
Jim: They’re wildly unpopular.
Phoebe: Oh my God!
Jim: Oh also, you might be interested to know that I have a Ph.D.
Phoebe: Wow! You do?
Jim: Yeah, (looks at his crotch) a Pretty Huge…
Phoebe: All right. (Gets up and walks out.)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica, Chandler, and now Rachel are organizing CDs.]
Chandler: (singing) The sun’ll come out…tomorrow! Bet…your bottom dollar that tomorrow… (The girls start laughing, and in a deep voice) …there’ll be sun.
Joey: (entering) Hey!
Rachel: Hey! Oh Joey, honey listen, thank you for talking to my yesterday about that thing with my boss. That really meant a lot.
Joey: Not a problem. Oh, and just so you know, that guy’s not going to be bothering you about that baby thing anymore.
Rachel: (worried) What?
Joey: Let’s just say I took care of it.
Rachel: Whoa-whoa-whoa, let’s say more!
Joey: Don’t worry! Don’t worry. I just told him, very nicely, "You don’t go buying people’s babies, so back off!!"
Rachel: What?!
Chandler and Monica: What?!
Rachel: No! No, no-no-no Joey he doesn’t want to buy my baby! I made that up!
Joey: What?! Why?!
Rachel: So that we would have something to talk about! So it wouldn’t be awkward!
Joey: And you couldn’t think of anything else?!
Monica: You said your boss wants to buy your baby?!
Rachel: (To Joey) I can’t believe that you yelled at my boss! I’m-I’m gonna lose my job! What am I going to do?!
Chandler: You can always sell your baby.
Rachel: Oh Joey, I can’t believe you brought my boss into this! I’m gonna get fired!
Joey: You lied to me!
Rachel: Well, she told me too! (Points to Monica and Joey glares at her.)
Monica: Chandler has two copies of Annie!
[Scene: Mona’s Apartment, she and her date are making out as Ross flips through a magazine while lying behind the couch and sees something that he likes. Meanwhile, Mona’s date takes off Ross’s shirt and Mona throws it on the floor. While they start making out again, Ross tries to pull the rug the shirt is on over to him, but while he does that he moves the coffee table and it bumps into the couch.]
Mona: (seeing Ross) Oh my God! Ross!!!
Ross: Hello!!
Mona: Ross, what are you doing?!
Ross: Not touching myself if that makes anyone less uncomfortable. Okay then. I'll go. (he starts to leave but comes back and takes the magazine he was read with him)
[Scene: Mr. Zelner’s Office, Rachel is knocking on the door.]
Rachel: Morning. You wanted to see me?
Mr. Zelner: Please, come in. Have a seat. (She does so.)
Rachel: Okay look Mr. Zelner…
Mr. Zelner: Oh I think it’s best that I speak first.
Rachel: Yeah. (Motions for him to continue.)
Mr. Zelner: I’ve asked Lee from human resources to be here as a witness to our conversation.
Rachel: Oh God.
Mr. Zelner: If I in any way implied that I wanted to buy your baby…I am sorry. Okay? Last week when I asked you when your due date was uh, I certainly did not mean that I felt that I was due your baby. Yeah, I want to be very clear that I understand that its your baby, and it is not mine to purchase.
Rachel: Well, as long as we are clear about that. (Exits smugly.)
[Scene: A Street, Phoebe and Monica are walking down it.]
Phoebe: Oh there it is.
Monica: That’s not your regular dry cleaners.
Phoebe: I know, but that creep that I went on that date with goes to there so I have to find a new one. I also have to find a new video store, a new bank, a new adult bookstore, a new grocery store…
Monica: What?!
Phoebe: A new grocery store. The universe said I was going to meet a nice guy and that’s what they gave me? (Looks up) When I get up there I’m going to kick some ass.
Monica: Don’t worry Phoebe, you’re gonna meet someone. If I can meet a great guy, so can you.
Phoebe: Yeah, we both can. And we both will.
(They enter the dry cleaners.)
Phoebe: Oh, you didn’t have to come in with me.
Monica: Are you kidding? This is where they get out stains! Okay? This is like Disneyland for me. I’m-I’m gonna be over here watching the dance of the clean shirts. (She points to and walks over to the electric clothes rack they have.)
Phoebe: Okay.
(A guy enters that looks suspiciously like Alec Baldwin from The Hunt for Red October, Pearl Harbor, and Beetlejuice.)
Guy: (To Phoebe) Oh, excuse me! I think you dropped s…(looks at Phoebe.) Wow!
Phoebe: What?
Guy: I’m sorry, it’s just that you’re so incredibly beautiful.
Phoebe: Oh yeah well, I’m sorry about that too, but what are you going to do?
Guy: I hope you don’t think I’m crazy but I feel like I was meant to pick this up, do you believe in that kind of thing?
Phoebe: A little. (She turns around and looks up.) (To the universe) Now you’re talking.
Guy: Would you like to go out and have a cup of coffee?
Phoebe: I-I-I’d love to. Let me just tell my friend.
Monica: (to the clerk) Ooh, an ink stain! Hey, can I watch how you get this out?
Phoebe: (looking around) She must’ve left.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandler is watching Joey pace nervously as Rachel enters.]
Rachel: Hi.
Joey: So? What-what-what happened?
Rachel: It’s all gonna be okay. They’re just so happy that I’m not suing them that they gave me one extra month paid maternity leave. So long as I understand that the money should not construed as a down payment on this or any other child I should bear.
Chandler: Wow, Ralph Lauren is really going out of there way to show they’re not in the baby buying business.
Rachel: Chandler, can you give us a minute?
Chandler: Oh I’m sorry, you’re kicking me out of my own living room?
Rachel: Yeah.
Chandler: I’ll be in there. (Goes into the bedroom.)
Rachel: Joey, I’m really sorry that I lied to you. I was just trying to make things…
Joey: I know. I know.
Rachel: It kinda worked. I mean y’know, I don’t know about you buy I haven’t thought about our thing since all this.
Joey: Hey you’re right. Yeah, it’s kinda been like us again a little bit.
Rachel: Yeah I know! I miss that.
Joey: Me too. I mean I…haven’t thought at all about how I put myself out there and said all that stuff and how you didn’t feel the same way about me and-and how it was really awkward.
(Awkward silence.)
Rachel: My gynecologist tried to kill me.
Closing Credits
[Scene: Ross and Rachel's, Ross is ordering something over the phone from a catalog.]
Ross: (on phone) Item J437-A, color: winterberry. (There’s a knock on the door as he hangs up the phone. He answers it to Mona.) Hi umm, listen come here, come in. (She does so.) I’m so-so sorry about yesterday. But what did I tell you about leaving your key outside the door like that? I mean you're lucky it was me and not someone else. I guess lucky is too strong a word. Anyway, Mona I-I’m really sorry. It’s just that I… (He picks up the pink shirt.)
Mona: (interrupting him) Listen Ross, you don’t have to apologize. I understand why you were there.
Ross: You do?
Mona: Yeah, you still have feelings for me. And-and to be honest, I-I still have feelings for you. And I wish that we can work it out Ross, but we can’t. It’s too complicated with you and Rachel and the baby, I-I just… It just wasn’t meant to be.
Ross: (faking starting to cry) Oh God you’re right.
Mona: Ross, we…we have to be strong. Okay, I-I’m gonna go. (She picks up the shirt Ross has just set down.) Can I? To remember you?
Ross: (laughs) No. (Takes the shirt back.)
